topic Re: MATRIX in Operating System - HP-UX

MATRIX

harry d brown jr — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 00:37:32 GMT

I think I found the source code to ENRON's Matrix program, written in COBOL, here's a sniplet:

IF COMPANY-IS-FAILING THEN
WHEN-NEEDED.
___MOVE ASSETS TO OFFSHORE-HOLDING-COMPANIES
___PERFORM SELL-OFFICER-STOCK THRU LIE-ABOUT-COMPANY-PERFORMANCE-TO-EMPLOYEES-AND-OTHER-STOCK-HOLDERS
___MOVE TRUTH TO BIT-BUCKET
___PERFORM PLEAD-IGNORANCE THRU PLEAD-THE-5TH-TO-SENATE
___MOVE FINANCIALS TO MANY-BOOKS
___PERFORM COOK-THE-BOOKS MANY TIMES
ELSE
___GOTO WHEN-NEEDED
END
PERFORM BOOK-FLIGHTS-OUT-OF-COUNTRY.

live free or die
harry

Re: MATRIX

Steven Sim Kok Leong — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 01:01:43 GMT

Hi Harry,

That's a good one :-)

It is Chinese New Year's Eve over today at Singapore. You just got my day started (now is 9:04 am) with a grin.

Steven Sim Kok Leong

Re: MATRIX

Michael Tully — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 02:00:52 GMT

Well Done Harry!

This is the sort of humour that I need on a Monday!!!! :^))

Cheers
Michael

Re: MATRIX

harry d brown jr — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 02:41:24 GMT

Steven,

My wife and I were invited to a new years party last Saturday, but we got a little hammered Friday, and she can't go out two nights in a row.

Michael,

My Monday, starts in 7 hours, well meaning when I get up (5am) (it's almost 10pm here). Aren't we some strange people!

live free or die
harry

Re: MATRIX

Patrick Wallek — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 04:54:34 GMT

Very nice Harry. Sounds almost exactly like Enrons business plan.

Re: MATRIX

Wodisch — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 09:18:25 GMT

Good morning, Harry,

I am missing the "FILLER" statements - never seen a COBOL program without it.
You know, the part where the top management fills their pockets... :-)

Have a nice week,
Wodisch

Re: MATRIX

Mark Greene_1 — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 15:28:38 GMT

COBOL has a bit bucket? Wow, learn something new everyday!

Thanks for the smile Harry. :-)

mark

Re: MATRIX

Helen French — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 16:03:27 GMT

Harry,

After compiling your ENRON program, some results came up like this:

# echo $ENRON
0
#echo $ENRON_LAYOFFS
system_panic: memory core dump

live free or die =))

Shiju

Re: MATRIX

Kelli Ward — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 17:11:41 GMT

Here's a good one. Not too technical, but a good explanation of it all.

Capitalism- You have two cows. You sell one cow and buy a bull. Your heard
multiplies and the economy grows. You sell them, invest your profits and
retire on the income from your investments.

Communism- You have two cows. Your neighbors help take care of them and you
all share the milk.

Enronism- You have two cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly traded
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,
then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so you get
all 4 cows back, with a tax exemption for 5 cows. The milk rights of the 6
cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly

owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all 7 cows back
to
your listed company. The annual report states that the company owns 8 cows,
with an option on one more.

Thanks for the chuckle.
Kel

Re: MATRIX

Patrick Wallek — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 17:17:26 GMT

Absolutely LOVE that, Kelli.

Re: MATRIX

Krishna Prasad — Mon, 11 Feb 2002 17:47:14 GMT

Harry,

You missed the line of code....

IF NEED-TO-COVER-BUTT THEN
MOVE BLAME-TO-CONSULT-COMPANY
PERFORM SEARCH-FOR-SNAKE-IN-GRASS-CONSULT
GOTO SELL-STOCK-OPTIONS
WHILE STOCK=HIGH
SELL
END