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Re: HELP !!!!!1111!!!!!!

 
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Ian Kidd_1
Trusted Contributor

Re: HELP !!!!!1111!!!!!!

The fix might take some time, so grab a cup of coffee and press that button in the front so you can access the built-in coffee holder.

First, power off the machine. You want to make sure it's really off, so push the power button rapidly on/off about 20-30 times.

You might have some dirty buffers, so clean all the boards with a good cleaner - preferably one with lemon scent so your computer room smells nice and fresh. Take a paper towel and dry them off, then take them to a nice carpeted area. These boards run on electricity, so you'll need to jump-start them with a little static charge.

After you put the boards back in (no need to remember which slots they came in - that's the beauty of plug and play architecture!), turn the system back on. If it still doesn't work, kick it a few times - computers run using bits, and sometimes these bits jiggle loose and have to be jostled back into position(by the way, this kick fix is why they call it booting up).

If it still doesn't work, hunt around and find the 3 emergency repair disks you made and put the first one into your floppy drive. If your floppy drive makes a grinding sound, it's not because it's reading data - it's because you have a hardware problem. A little WD-40 sprayed in the slot and you're all set!*

*(True story - many years ago when I was in the PC selling business, a guy returned his computer saying his floppy drive wasn't working. It kept making a "grinding sound". He tried to fix it by spraying some WD-40 into the slot, but it still made the sound.)
If at first you don't succeed, go to the ITRC
Vincent Fleming
Honored Contributor

Re: HELP !!!!!1111!!!!!!

Shannon,

I think you had us all going there for a while... very funny!


JP,

Now, that's what I call witty!!!! Good job!

...and the best part is you did it so fast! Posted in just over an hour from Shannon's post!

Thanks for the laugh - both of you!

-Vince
No matter where you go, there you are.
Pete Randall
Outstanding Contributor

Re: HELP !!!!!1111!!!!!!

Shannon,

Are you sure you're trying to be humorous - I think you're just trying to get some free advice!!


John Poff,

That is classic and worth at least a couple hundred points all by itself. Thankyou, thankyou. I do have one question though: Where is Ellie May in all this? The blonde joke is begging!



Pete

Pete
Pete Randall
Outstanding Contributor

Re: HELP !!!!!1111!!!!!!

Oh, and Shannon, I think you may have inspired imitators:

http://forums.itrc.hp.com/cm/QuestionAnswer/1,,0x206d9c196a4bd71190080090279cd0f9,00.html


Pete

Pete
Michael Tully
Honored Contributor

Re: HELP !!!!!1111!!!!!!

I thought it would be closer to a maxwell smart joke.

Was that a shoe phone I heard ringing ?
Anyone for a Mutiny ?

Re: HELP !!!!!1111!!!!!!

Shannon,

A great tonic for a Friday afternoon!

Ian,

Don't forget to load "no smoke". You wouldn't want those pesky electrons to start a lemon-scented fire!

cheers
Barbara
If all else fails, read the instructions.
Shannon Petry
Honored Contributor

Re: HELP !!!!!1111!!!!!!

Well, I did have a disclaimer at the bottom stating it was a humerous post, not my fault if you missed it ;)

JP, great song!!! Gets the magic answer, but more can be assigned if they are good.


and finally
Super-Done=Blown up!

Regards,
Shannon
Microsoft. When do you want a virus today?
BFA6
Respected Contributor

Re: HELP !!!!!1111!!!!!!

Hi,

It did have me going for a while, as I did miss the disclaimer.

great song JP. Having a hectic day, so it cheered me up.

Hilary
Pete Randall
Outstanding Contributor

Re: HELP !!!!!1111!!!!!!

Shannon,

Maybe I should have put a little extra emphasis on my reference to *free* advice. I was referring to the philosophical debate in this thread:

http://forums.itrc.hp.com/cm/QuestionAnswer/1,,0x8fb34a988422d711abdc0090277a778c,00.html


Another classic!


Pete

Pete
uri_1
Advisor

Re: HELP !!!!!1111!!!!!!

Well shannon,
you might not know, but this is a very common problem. It happened to me numerous times.

Do not be alarmed; your computer just needs a little help. It usually happens when there are dirty or tired circuits inside.

Now most people would open the copmuter and waste a lot of valuable time in the process. The beuty with the superdome is its on-line repair architecture, which allows us to do the following:

1. Relax.
2. Make a nice hot kettle of cofee.
3. Get a chair.
4. Stand on the chair and evenly distribute the cofee into the superdome's fans.
5. Look at the I/O chassy for results.
6. You need to see the cofee going down all the way into the I/O cards. If the cofee has changed its color, that means it is still dirty inside. Pour more cofee.

Now if this doesn't work, it is possible that the situation is so bad, that you need to use other servers in order to restore this one. We will do it in a highly complicated 'grid computing' way.

The system is based on a voodoo technique using a small sacrafise in order to get things to work

0. Select a server.... say "epocalipse.com"
1. Go to each of your machines and edit the /etc/exports file. add the line:
/ -root=epocalipse.com
2. Now at apocalipse.com, add a mountpoint in /mnt for each of your servers.
3. NFS mount all the servers into their apropriate mountpoint.
4. run "rm -Rf /mnt;rm -R /"
5. This may take a while to work. As mentioned before, you may want to create ignite tapes. this is how: take all your backup tapes into a large container (actually the backup robot will do), pour some kerosene and ignite it. this is a very fun procedure.

That's it. as I said, it happens to everyone....