The answers you really wanted to give ---!!

[Tom Danzig]

Q - How do I create a new logical volume
A - man lvcreate

Q - How do I create a ksh script that will ...
A - man ksh

Q - How do I add a ... printer
A - man lpadmin

.
.
.


Well ... you get the idea. It's all right they in front of you if you just take the time to look.

[Jeff Schussele]

Hi Patrick & Princess,

Yep, not only is man your best friend - find is your 2nd best friend.
An SA that has truly mastered both, can honestly call themself an SA.

On topic, my favorite help desk story will always be the coffee holder being broken by a user.....you all know it.
I know how I would have answered it - but I can't post it here ;~)

Rgds,
Jeff

[John Meissner]

problem:
The server seems to be running slow today
answer:
you need to upgrade the I.D.10.T hardware (I.D.10.T = idiot)

another one....
our intern was told to put a hot swap DVD drive into a HP-UX server. he was having trouble putting it in (don't know why) but we actually told him to push harder (as we were walking away)
about half way out of the server room we heard and we imediately ran back to where the intern was slamming the DVD drive into the server repeatedly.... we had to replace the entire back plane :(

[Steven E. Protter]

Good One Paula

Q. From operations: How come when I try and rub the job I get not found.

A. With patience: Try retyping the command, make sure the caps lock key is off.

Real Answer: Stop turning off the lights in the computer room so you can see the keyboard.

Real Answer: Make sure you have the right keyboard.

Real Answer: You've been working as a Unix operator for 15 years?

Real Answer: Stop bothering me and try again.

Answer: Are you sured you typed it right?

Operator: Of course I did.
Real meanness: cat the keyboard log to the system console so they see the typo in front of their face.

What I think: What do I really like about this job?

Whose my best operator? cron

Memo Question: What's the kron schedule.

Answer: There is no such thing, here is the cron schedule.

Real Answer: Look at your watch.

What I think: This guy's worked in IT for 40 YEARS?

Morning Question: The Red light if flashing on the front of the production L2000, I noticed it last night, should I have called you?

Answer: Yes.

Real Answer: No, you should call my replacement because I don't want to work here any more.

Funny? Probably not.

Therapudic? Yuppers.

SEP

[John Bolene]

I really like some of these questions and answers.

90% of the problems are caused by the nut in front of the keyboard

I just removed /usr to regain space, why do I get not found on commands?

Yes, some people are too stupid to own or use a computer.

[Cheryl Griffin]

How about anything that is preceded by "I don't know why everyone says not to do this but I did ..."

That's the system administrator I want in charge of all my high availability machines. (not)

[Martin Johnson]

User: I just accidently deleted my file. It was a very importnat file. Can I get it restored from backup?

SA: When was the file first created?

User: This morning.

SA: Sorry, you are SOL! Next time be more careful.

:-)
Marty

[John Meissner]

Martin - I used to hear that one all the time... the user would be working all day on the document... and never saved it. Then either his PC would crash (big suprise), he'd close it without saving, or he'd delete it "accidently". don't you just love that one....

When I used to do site support I once had an engineer who honestly I don't know how he managed to breathe let alonge use a computer...

He called me one day and told me his tool bar dissapeared. I figured it was on auto hide at first so I tried to talk him into getting it to raise up. no good. Then i figured that he resized it so it didn't display (which was the actual problem it turns out). I couldn't, in 15 minutes, talk him through bringing it back. so I went over... clicked on it and raised it back up. huffed and puffed at him (literally) and left. there should be a license to reporduce in this country.

[Martin Johnson]

John,

The one that really got me was when I was working for DEC. A customer called and said he was having problems with his computer. It appeared to be hung.

I asked him if there were any messages on the console. He told me to hold on while he got a flashlight. I asked him why he needed a flashlight. He told me the building just lost power.

Knowing he did not have a UPS system, I bit my tongue and reminded him that computer don't run without power. He answer, "Oh! Never mind!"

This "brilliant" person is on someone's payroll. Go figure!

Marty

[Pete Randall]

Reminds me of the programmer who called me to complain that his "keyboard didn't work - no idea why". Unable to get any further details out of him, I went to his desk and discovered his nearly empty coffee mug still there on his desk next to his keyboard, which dripped coffee when I picked it up. The programmer, of course, had gone into hiding, fearing the wrath of "Pete, the Loveable".


Pete