Sys-Admin Humor

[John Payne_2]

Things you don't want to here your sys admin say:

"Read the manual? Manuals are for sissies."
and in a like vain
"man pages are for sissies."

PEBKAC - Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair.

[Animesh Chakraborty]

Just have a look at Conversation of a sysadmin husband with his wife :

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?

Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree(cloths).

Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning

Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae Gog !forget it where's your salary.

Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card,

i can do some shopping.

Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.

Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.

Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?

Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to

Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your

Receptionist?

Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?

Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?

Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - i will go to my dad?s house.

Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will

Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.

Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.

Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going

Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.

[someone_4]

Here we go I got one !

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation.

Richard =)

[Edward Alfert_2]

Have you ever wished you could outloud say that it was a user's fault that something didn't work but don't want them to know you are insulting them?

Just tell them that what happened was an I-D-Ten-T error.

-------------------------------
ID10T = idiot

[John Bolene]

Almost all problems are caused by the steering wheel nut, or in other words, the nut behind the wheel.

[Marco Paganini]

Some more you never want to hear:

- Hmmm, I think we'll have to migrate from Unix to Windows XP.

- On the email: If you are having problems sending or receiving email, please send us an email and we'll investigate your situation (I REALLY got an email like this from our 'NT' administrator...)

Oh well...

:)

[Eugen Cocalea]

Hi,

Well, this is the phrase I _do_ use when somebody enters my 'office': 'No, I don't have any and I don't know the first thing about it, now get out.'

It comes from a loooong experience in helpdesk, I mean, you know, helping people that sits at desks, with their monitor turned off, complaining that their 'brand new computer, the company paid a lot for it and you, worthless piece of can't keep it working'. Yeah, lean over the desk, take those nails and plug them in the power supply.

E.

[Ian Dennison_1]

User: I cannot log out of your application.
Me: What keys are you pressing?
User: It says 'F10 = Exit' so I have been pressing the 'F' key, the '1' key and the '0' key and nothing is happening!
Me: OOOOO-kay, you see that row of keys above the main keyboard,....

What is even scarier is that the User is a Major in the Army!!

Share and Enjoy! Ian

[Josh_13]

September 14, 2001 15:45 PM GMT [ 6 pts ]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever wished you could outloud say that it was a user's fault that something didn't work but don't want them to know you are insulting them?

Just tell them that what happened was an I-D-Ten-T error.

-------------------------------
ID10T = idiot

**********************************************

here's another one (yes i took this from scott adams):

in-duh-vidual

no one ever seems to pick up on that.

-J

[Tim Ryan]

True Story: In the military the "Battle Staff Director" couldn't get logged in. He called me up and told my my *#U$@# system was broken again. The previous day I had fixed my "*#U$@# system" by magically hitting his caps-lock for him. This time, I walked over to his desk and watched him type his username into the password field and his password into the username field. Brushing his hands away, I hit enter a couple of times and told him to try his username and password again. As he logged in I was already walking away and heard him mumble thanks behind me. His assistant, a Major, followed me out of the room and cornered me. He said, "Don't ever belittle the colonel again! Next time he calls, log into the system and just pretend your fixing something."

Yeah, the more than cream floats to the surface in the military...

[Tom Geudens]

Very recently we found out that most of our
backuptapes in our robot were contaminated with "debris" from construction works.

After asking around for weeks how this could possibly happen (in an area that is sealed of
to most people) we found out that our technical services (the guys that drill the
holes and thus have access to everything :-) wiped their dust/debris underneath that "big machine that sucks up the air and the dust"

Tom :-)

[Josh_13]

i hope Ian and Tim are talking about the same guy...

[Ian Dennison_1]

I don't think Tim and I had the same guy; mine was in New Zealand (down and to the right from Australia)!

Another (apparently) true story that has done the rounds,....

A helicopter simulator in Australia was required to simulate wildlife, in order to show the mission as realistic as possible (scared kangaroos raise clouds of dust which give away position to the enemy).

The programmers of the simulator simply copied the Kangaroo object from the InfantryMan object, modified size and speed and graphics parameters, and said 'All done!'

The first demonstration of the updated Flight Simulator to the Top Brass (from the USA, I think) had a Pilot come down low over a flock of Kangaroos, which promptly hopped behind a small hillock and loosed off 40+ Stinger missiles at the Helicopter.

Guess who forgot to remove the weapons capability from the Kangaroo object?

Doh! Share and Enjoy! Ian

[Stuart Elflett]

Hi Ian...

I loved that one - having come from a farm where my parents pretty much encouraged the local rock wallaby population, I can just picture a small group armed to the teeth, peering around trees & picking off 'the enemy'...

I showed that post to a co-worker who's in the army reserves, who confirmed that it is apparently true, and that it made the news here with reports of 'Kangaroos fight back'... there were apparently plenty of red faces over it too...

Cheers,
Stuart Elflett

[Patrick Wallek]

Ian,

I absolutely love that.

Armed and dangerous Kangaroos.


I can see the warnings now:

"Look out world, the Australians are arming the wildlife! And you thought a trip to the outback was fun before......."

[Josh_13]

Ian-

your military stories are absolutely fabulous. do you have any more?

[T. M. Louah]

If you applied patches, changed the boards, the core i/o, changed the disks the lan connections, NIC , the Monitor & the console ... and it still not working then may be you need to change the user !!!

Happy Nu Ya
T++

[Volker Borowski]

I am sorry, if this one was mentioned somewhere else already, it may have been in the forums in a diffrent thread, I am not sure where I came across this one, but I love it.

Windows Popup:
Warning: The mouse has moved !
Windows will reboot to make the change take effect!


Volker

[Patrick Preuss]

Works as designed;-)

Patrick

[Paula J Frazer-Campbell]

Hi
Not really system stuff - but for all parents with daughters.

Paula

[Alan Casey]

Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question:

Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a
program ?

UNIX consul: Yes, that's correct.

Customer: No, what is it ?

UNIX consul: Yes.

Customer: So, which is the one ?

UNIX consul: No. 'which' is used to find the program.

Customer: Stop this. Who are you ?

UNIX consul: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo'
to get information about yoo.

Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?

UNIX consul: Use 'what'.

Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true?

UNIX consul: No. 'true' gives you 0.

Customer: Which one?

UNIX consul: 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'

Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?

UNIX consul: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what
program' to get the revision code.

Customer: I want to find the revision code.

UNIX consul: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'.

Customer: Which command will do what I need?

UNIX consul: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.

Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.

UNIX consul: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your
system.

Customer: Write what?

UNIX consul: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.

Customer: Cut that out!

UNIX consul: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the
options.

Customer: Do you always do this?

UNIX consul: 'du' will give you disk usage.

Customer: HELP!

UNIX consul: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System.

Customer: You make me angry.

UNIX consul: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname'
when
I was upset once.

Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.

UNIX consul: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system
has 'more'.

Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!

UNIX consul: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is
better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not allowed but 'at now' is.
Unless of course 'now' is a file name.

Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.

UNIX consul: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to
the Pascal compiler team...

[Patrick Wallek]

Paula,

That's absolutely priceless! I don't have kids yet, but I think I'll keep a copy of that just in case I need it in the future.

[Sanjay_6]

Try this,

http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html

Thanks

[Patrick Wallek]

That, too, is priceless Jim.

I'll add that to my file for possible future use.