Sys-Admin Humor

[Josh_13]

Alan-

is that based on Dr. Seuss' "Mehoo with an Exactlywhat" ? it sounds like and if sho it's a good job at a unix parody. only thing is that they neglected to have it starting over.

JRF-

may i suggest making an acre a cranberry bog? those things make organic matter decay faster than anything else. another hint: hydrochloric acid @ 12m eats through anything with ease.
;-)

and please remind me never todate your daughter. i get the feeling that showing her the good time she wants would require the demise of the person who took her out.

-Josh

----------------
N/A for this comment please.

[Josh_13]

i read this a few months back in pc world, figure it's good for a laugh here.

a sys admin for some company was recieveing lots of phone calls from one particular part of the company because the windows 2k machines they were coding a program on kept crashing.

the latest call he had gotten when he wrote to pcworld was to ask how he stopped that since they had gotten used to losing aobut half the day to down time.

turns out he simpley made windows run on top of linux. the stability of linux stopped windows from crashing.

[ian Dennison]

This is probably an Urban Legend, but sounds weird enough to be real life,...

Japanese Computer Company took reel-to-reel tapes offsite every week on a monorail bullet train, to a location 100 miles away. One day they actually needed to recover from the offsite backups, but each and every tape was blank.

The reason - MAGNETIC Monorail Bullet Train.

Doh! Ian

[Steven Sim Kok Leong]

Hi,

Not really sys-admin humor, but there was once I was so tired, that I type on my IE browser:

http://www.tired.com

And GUESS WHAT! :)

Nothing really interesting. But I think that must be really somebody to register such a domain name and setup such a website dedicated for this purpose.

Curious? Find out yourself by clicking on

http://www.tired.com

You may want to send an email to see if it bounces? I have not tried it out myself.

Steven Sim Kok Leong

[Paula J Frazer-Campbell]

Steven
Code from tired.com

Are you tired?

Tell us why.

I wonder how long it took to write? and just how big was the testing team.

Paula

[Steven Sim Kok Leong]

Hi Paula :)

What I can't fathom was why on Earth someone would want to purchase a domain name, set up a website like this? *scratch head*

Perhaps it was setup by a psychologist who's writing a thesis on the many different reasons why people get tired? :)

Server: Apache-AdvancedExtranetServer/1.3.14 (Linux-Mandrake/2mdk) mod_ssl/2.7.1 OpenSSL/0.9.5a PHP/4.0.3pl1

Steven Sim Kok Leong

[ian Dennison]

www.tired.com

Here's the Domain Name Registration Entry. Why not band together and send some Caffiene pills to Mike K?

Cheers, Ian Dennison

Registrant:
Interzone Consulting (TIRED4-DOM)
67 Ramona Ave.
San Francisco, CA 94013
US

Domain Name: TIRED.COM

Administrative Contact, Technical Contact, Billing Contact:
Kuniavsky, Michael (MK28) mikek@DETRITUS.NET
Interzone Consulting
67 Ramona Ave.
San Francisco, CA 94013
(415) 276-8515 (FAX) (415) 276-8599

Record last updated on 20-Oct-2001.
Record expires on 13-Nov-2002.
Record created on 12-Nov-1997.
Database last updated on 23-Jan-2002 23:59:00 EST.

Domain servers in listed order:

NS2.CYBORGANIC.COM 66.80.8.66
NS.ARCTIC.ORG 204.107.140.52

[Paula J Frazer-Campbell]

Hi to all

I have emailed Mike at tired.com with a WHY question.

I will update you all if I receive an answer.

Paula

[ian Dennison]

I wonder if anyone can recount classic stories of "Operator Error" that they have seen? As long as litigation does not result, of course!

1. Operator from Mainframe background decided to switch off the HP 'tape deck' by the button that was on the top right of the chassis (hey, that's where the reel-to-reel tape drives are switched off from!).

2. Manager of Data Centre decided to cut cables to be removed rather than dragging them. Pity he cut the main backbone fibre cable!

3. Co-worker comes up to me in a panic claiming I trashed the password spreadsheet today. Open spreadsheet and show him the Worksheet Tab at bottom labelled "Passwords" next to the current Worksheet labelled "Configuration".

Share and Enjoy, Ian Dennison

[Paula J Frazer-Campbell]

Not sysadmin, but technical.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as
"squawks," submitted by QUANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by
maintenance engineers. By the way Quantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed yet on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal
seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious!

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


Pasula

[ian Dennison]

Paula,

Thank you Thank you Thank you! I have been holding onto this piece of trivia for 23 years and have finally had the chance to use it!

QANTAS is spelt incorrectly (Sorry) It is not a proper word (All Q words have a U straight after), it stands for
Queensland
And
Northern
Territories
Airline
Service.

Not totally sure about the last 2 words, but definitely sure of the QUANT!

Share and Enjoy! Ian

[Paula J Frazer-Campbell]

Hi Ian,

Glad I gave you the opening for that:-

How about " Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" ??

No it is not rude.

Old sailing ship days when cannon balls (Cast iron) were stored on a brass stand (monkey) -

It got cold
- co-efficient of linear expansion brass higher that cast iron.-
- so monkey contracts more than cannon balls and they fall off.

So not rude but a very old sailing term.

Arrgh Jim Lad.

Paula

[Patrick Wallek]

Paula,

That is utterly hilarious.

Thank you!!!!!! That's the best laugh I've had in a long time.

I have also heard one about a European airline, or aircraft manufacturer (I can't recall exactly which) that was testing an airplane to see what would happen if / when a bird impacted with the cockpit windshield.

Well, in order to the test, the company took a dead chicken and fired it at the cockpit windshield. The bird went straigt through the glass, the rear cockpit bulkhead, the restroom behind the cockpit, etc. They were scratching there heads trying to figure out where they went wrong as they'd never heard of that much damage.

Someone finally piped up --- I think we should have thawed out the chicken first.

Yes, the chicken was frozen solid and was essentially a bullet flying at the airplane at several hundred miles per hour.

[Paula J Frazer-Campbell]

Patrick

Loved the chicken bit.

The guys in the office though I was having a seizure when I read that as I could just visualize the look on the test guys faces as they destroyed the aircraft.

Paula

[ian Dennison]

Brilliant chicken story!

Couple of airplane stories from my military days (I sound like an old man on a park bench, don't I?)

1. NZ Pilot trainee performing 'touch-and-gos' on the runway in a Strikemaster jet trainer. After landing at the end of the flight, they found a High-Frequency aerial under the aircraft ground down from 6 inches long to 2 inches. He had forgotten to put his wheels down for one 'touch-and-go', and had ridden along on the aerial, 2 inches from crashing.

They removed the aerial and presented it to him at the end of the course on a plaque.

2. Aircraft mechanic headfirst up the tailpipe of a Skyhawk Jet, checking the internal workings (very narrow space inside). Another technician in the cockpit accidentally triggers the igniters, which make a rapid 'clack-clack' sound and try to ignite any fuel inside the engine. The mechanic hears this, thinks 'I am going to die', and manages to turn around inside the engine space, and comes shooting out headfirst.
He then proceeds to the cockpit to administer 'impact counselling' to the technician.

Share and Enjoy! Ian

[Paula J Frazer-Campbell]

Remember where you are:-


Just in case you ever got the two mixed up, this should make things a bit
clearer...


IN PRISON ... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell;
AT WORK ... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON ... you get three meals a day;
AT WORK ... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON ... you get time off for good behaviour;
AT WORK...you get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.

IN PRISON ... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you;
AT WORK ... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors
for yourself.

IN PRISON ... you can watch TV and play games;
AT WORK ... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON ... you get your own toilet;
AT WORK ... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON ... they allow your family and friends to visit;
AT WORK ... you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON ... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required;
AT WORK ... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON ... you spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK ... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON ... you must deal with sadistic wardens;
AT WORK... they are called managers.

Paula

[Ian Dennison_1]

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking
Two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'.

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.

Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.

Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.

Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.

[Tom Geudens]

Paula and Patrick,
The chicken story is actually an urban legend (or as we say, "een broodje-aap verhaal" ... which would translate als "monkey-sandwich story" :-). I've heard several versions of the story, including one where the top brass that are watching get bombarded with the engine / chicken parts in the end ...

I received this one recently. From "Tips for getting the most from your IT Department" :
Feel perfectly free to say things like : "I don't know anything about that computer crap". We don't at all mind hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as CRAP.

[K.Vijayaragavan.]

sa1:
Is there any steps to configure the printer in third floor from our floor?

sa2:
Yes! We have steps to go to third floor or other wise we can use lift too!

sa3:
!!!

-Vijay

[Andreas D. Skjervold]

Since you guys obviuosly need somthing to spend the evening with, check out this ultimate site with dataporn:
http://www.lindkvist.com/digitaldataporn/xxx.html

[Josh_13]

parteik: NA please


Andreas: that was great. i needed a laugh and that definitely delivered.

[Paula J Frazer-Campbell]

Hi To all

Happy Valentines Day.

Another aircract related one -

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded
into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The
wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The
type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally figured out
what it was and what had happened. It seems that a guy had somehow gotten
hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket)
that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for
taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the
desert and found a long and straight stretch of road. Then he attached the
JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967
Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from
the crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched and melted
asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have
reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds
well in excess of 350mph and continuing at full power for an additional
20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, most likely would have
experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full
afterburners, causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the
event.

However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles
(15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes,
blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then
becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face
at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.

Epilogue: It has been calculated that he nearly reached Mach I,
attaining a ground speed of approximately 420 mph.


Paula

[Ian Dennison_1]

Reference previous email on the Darwin Awards, here's the link to the full story.

http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1995-04.html

Share and Enjoy! Ian

[Ian Dennison_1]

Pranks and Hazing Rituals

Part 1
In the Air Force, there is a tradition of having fun with the new apprentice by sending them out for a ???long weight??? (which is actually a ???long wait???). This involves filling out a Supply Request Form, handing it to them and asking them to go to Supply Squadron and asking for a ???long weight??? (wait). The guy behind the counter will say ???I???ll just check out back!???, and disappears for a couple of hours. When he comes back, he will say ???We haven???t got one, but so-and-so at Unit X (or Y or Z) might have one???. And the apprentice dutifully goes to Unit X, where the same thing happens. This will take all day usually, and most apprentices will take all day to figure out what is going on.

Other memorable items that apprentices have been sent out to find are as follows,???
- Prop Wash
- Magnetic Flux
- Fallopian Tubes (A woman got caught out with that one!)
- Red Marking Blue

Part 2
One of my friends got sent out for a ???Left-Handed Screwdriver???, but twigged what was going on and went to the Canteen for a couple of hours. When he got back, his Supervisor asked him where the ScrewDriver was, so Julian said ???The storeman wants to know; is it a screwdriver for left-handed people, or for right-handed people with left-handed screws????. His Supervisor then wanders down to the Supply Store and makes a complete cretin of himself by asking about these new ???left-handed screwdrivers???.

Share and Enjoy! Ian

[Patrick Wallek]

And a Happy Valentines Day to you Princess Paula.

I had not heard the story of the driver / pilot. There is plenty of room to do that in Arizona though. Lot's of long stretches of not much of anything.