Funniest itrc answers.

[Steven E. Protter]

I will use creative license to assign points if any.

Here is mine.

http://forums.itrc.hp.com/cm/QuestionAnswer/1,,0x54df68da2286d711abdc0090277a778c,00.html

I am still laughing at A. Clay Stevenson's antimatter reply. Just can't seem to stop chuckling.

SEP

[Umapathy S]

Steven,
I also read that but couldnt understand the exact meaning. Could you please explain a little bit so that I can also share.

thanks,
Umapathy

[Steve Lewis]

Is that something to do with Tachyon cards?

[Steve Lewis]

;-)

[Paula J Frazer-Campbell]

Antimatter is the reverse of matter, so it will reverse readings in top.

Paula

[Steven E. Protter]

Okay, I found A Clay's reply to in the linked thread extremely funny.

I have been known to lack a sense of humor much of the time and possess a twisted one at times.

Anyone who wants to link in a thread they find funny gets two points. One per customer.

If this is a stupid thread, ignore it it will go away.

I heard a report that laughing is good for your health.

SEP

[Paula J Frazer-Campbell]

Found it


I remember this one from a long time ago in a galexy far far away.


Btw I had a young boy at a table I was doing magic at - him name was Luke - So " Use the fork Luke" in an Obi Wan Kanobi Voice.

http://forums.itrc.hp.com/cm/QuestionAnswer/1,,0x15f55f260cafd4118fef0090279cd0f9,00.html

Paula

[Ian Dennison_1]

For the poster yesterday who wanted to know what SAMBA was,...

http://www.worldsamba.org

Share and Enjoy! Ian

[Ross Zubritski]

................LMAO...........

[Mary Rice]

Hi Steven,

Although it is not a "one-liner", this classic response from our A. Clay makes me laugh everytime I see it. I keep a link to this thread for the times when I really need a good laugh. We can all relate to how infuriating consultants and vendors can be at times. Read this thread to see how a truly diplomatic "Warm 'n Fuzzy" guy deals with them.

http://forums.itrc.hp.com/cm/QuestionAnswer/0,,0xd5ea5a3e6e0bd6118ff40090279cd0f9,00.html

(This may be my first 10-pointer.)

Regards,
Mary Rice

[Paula J Frazer-Campbell]

Mary

I had forgotten that one :-

Fell off my chair again - guys in the office thought I was having a fit.


Paula

[Adam J Markiewicz]

Hi SEP.

Sory returning with old jokes but it was SOOOO GOOOOD I did search for it (was not so easy as I didn't remember the subject!)

Have fun

http://forums.itrc.hp.com/cm/QuestionAnswer/1,,0x732c06350fe2d61190050090279cd0f9,00.html

Good luck
Adam

P.S.: Harry,you rock!

[Pete Randall]

Hi Steven,

This is probably a lot like lauging at my own jokes, but I sure amused myself with my response in your "hobbies" thread:

http://forums.itrc.hp.com/cm/QuestionAnswer/1,,0x143763f96280d711abdc0090277a778c,00.html


Pete

[John Meissner]

Here is my attempt at humor

http://bizforums.itrc.hp.com/cm/QuestionAnswer/1,,0x98279607df6ed711abdc0090277a778c,00.html

The author of this thread did take offense at first to my comment....

I told him to hire a secretary to sort through files while he practiced "awk"

he thought I mean he was unskilled but what I meant was that he should awk (look at) his secretary....
yeah... it was a little off... but.... i was in a mood.

[MANOJ SRIVASTAVA]

Hi


Have you people heard of VAX BAR ?
http://www.lpl.arizona.edu/~vance/www/vaxbar.html

I hope this takes you there and read it till the end intersting :


$ show system
BAR/VMS V1.0 on node VAXBAR 28-JUN-1997 18:11:08.82 Uptime 2190 17:43:42
Pid Process Name State Pri I/O CPU Page flts Pages
00001010 REFRIGERATOR LEF 4 1212 0 00:10:12.23 4125 150
00000800 LIGHTS COM 6 9121 0 00:34:23.11 1231 343
00000412 BLENDER HIB 4 3412 0 00:23:49.32 1341 111
00000169 SINK LEF 3 211 0 00:01:12.66 231 222
$ logout
BARTENDER logged out at 28-JUN-1997 18:11:23.75




Manoj Srivastava

[Patrick Wallek]

Darn it.... Mary Rice beat me to that thread. I had to go and hunt it up again. That has got to be one of the ITRC Forums classics. I absolutely love Clay's and Jim Turners responses in their.

[Tom Danzig]

I too have attempted humor here once as well. Judging from the response (or lack thereof), I guess it went over like a lead balloon ...

http://forums.itrc.hp.com/cm/QuestionAnswer/1,,0x9b15543254bfd611abdb0090277a778c,00.html

[W.C. Epperson]

Pete: Apparently my entry in the hobbies thread was too dry....

John M.: Regarding the same thread, do I take it that you enjoy obeying your dog while your wife goes to the ballet?

A. Clay's KW vs KVA thread is a classic. But the funniest short but operative insulting posting I've ever seen was on the old Firewalls mailing list in response to a plaintive "How do I get off this list???!!!" posting:
>>Send the following message to majordomo@lists.gnac.net:
>>
>>help
>>I am a clueless lazy idiot who couldn't be bothered to
>>save the unsubscribe instructions you sent me to start
>>with, nor to read the instructions included in every
>>message.

[Fred Martin_1]

This isn't directly related to ITRC but HP, so I thought it fit anyway. Back in the years before the whole Y2K thing, I got the following letter from HP (really):

Hewlett-Packard Company
19091 Pruneridge Avenue
Cupertino, CA 95014

Fred Martin
Applicators Sales and Service
Re: Hewlett-Packard Company and the Year 2000

Please Pass This To The Person Responsible
For The Year 2000 in Your Company

Dear Fred Martin:

etc.etc.

Well...here was proof, -everything- around here is my fault....

[Brian K. Arnholt]

I have to say, I keep the Sys. Admin. Humor link around and read it from time to time, some really great stuff there.

http://forums.itrc.hp.com/cm/QuestionAnswer/1,,0x0bb4854994d9d4118fef0090279cd0f9,00.html

After reading through Clay's disseration on the difference between KVAs and KWs, I realized I am amongst very smart people (and have something in common: I am academically qualified as a nuclear engineer and have been know to practice the profession in my previous life...)

[Mike Fisher_5]

http://forums.itrc.hp.com/cm/QuestionAnswer/1,,0x3c7c1cc6003bd6118fff0090279cd0f9,00.html

[Chris Wilshaw]

As we're on to practical jokes now..


Create a text file /tmp/errors.txt containing

00 Not super-user
01 No such file or directory
02 No such process
03 interrupted system call
04 I/O error
05 No such device or address
06 Exec format error
07 Bad file number
08 No children
09 No more processes
10 Not enough core
11 Bad address
12 Block device required
13 Mount device busy
14 File exists
15 Cross-device link
16 No such device
17 Not a directory
18 Is a directory
19 Invalid argument
20 File table overflow
21 Too many open files
22 Not a typewriter
23 Text file busy
24 File too large
25 No space left on device
26 Illegal seek
27 Read only file system
28 Too many links
29 Broken pipe
30 Math arg out of domain of func
31 Math result not representable
32 Identifier removed
33 Channel number out of range
34 Level 2 not synchronized
35 Level 3 halted
36 Level 3 reset
37 Link number out of range
38 Protocol driver not attached
39 No CSI structure available
40 Level 2 halted
41 A deadlock would occur
42 System record lock table was full
43 Illegal byte sequence
44 Machine is not on the network
45 no data (for no delay io)
46 timer expired
47 out of streams resources
48 Device not a stream
49 Package not installed
50 the link has been severed
51 advertise error
52 srmount error
53 Communication error on send
54 Protocol error
55 multihop attempted
56 Cross mount point (not really error)
57 trying to read unreadable message
58 For Sun compatibilty, will not occur.
59 Disc quota exceeded


Then create a script called /tmp/cd_error.sh containing

#!/usr/bin/sh
DS=`date +%S`
ERR=`grep ^$DS /tmp/errors.txt | cut -c4-80`
echo $ERR



Then in your victims profile;

alias cd=/tmp/cd_error.sh


Then when they type cd, they get a genuine (and quite unpleasant) system error depending upon the current second. Obviously, you can customize the errors to your hearts content.

[Radhakrishnan Venkatara]

hi,

check this

http://forums.itrc.hp.com/cm/QuestionAnswer/1,,0x45155fe8b250d71190080090279cd0f9,00.html

[Berlene Herren · Accepted solution]

test

[Steven E. Protter]

Apologize for the rule breaking.

I owed Berlene a bunny.

:-)

SEP